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He let her know he dated other women. He told her she meant more to him than they did. If she showed up at his condo unexpectedly, he was alone. He was glad to see her. There was never evidence of another visit. He suggested she see other men, and told her that she was fortunate that he was not possessive. Every now and then she accepted a date with another man. Nothing compared with Ken. After her first night with him, well yes it was a one night stand, she wanted an affair with him. After a three year affair she wanted…well, yes darn it, she wanted to marry him. He never mentioned marriage. He never introduced her to his parents. When she hinted she would like to meet them, he said they lived in another state. She did know that he was an important partner of the law firm he told her about, because she read an article about him in The Washington Post. She showed him the article, and said, ‘I’m proud of you.’ He smiled. That was it. He never suggested she visit him at his office. He. She wondered how Rachel could be so kind and gentle one moment and so harsh and cruel the next. She wanted to appeal to Rachel’s kindness. She harboured a fantasy of beating her forehead on the wooden bench until it bled or she lost consciousness. Surely then Rachel would take pity on her! Even in her distressed state however she realised how irrational it was to harm herself in order to avoid further pain. She wanted the sweet woman that had caressed her so lovingly in the dark enchantment of their cellar the night before not this implacable stern creature who so cruelly beat her. Slowly, by increments, she began to realise that the way to that caring lover was through the torment of her other persona. Rachel had talked about the candy and the stick. If she would taste the candy she must first partake of the stick. It was only fifty strokes! That would be an end to it! There was the promise of sweetness and love beyond it. Jennifer began to recover her calm. It was only pain wasn’t.
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